Kobe wets the bed that he made...

Boohoo. Poor Kobe.

It took the Black Mamba three years, but he finally realized what we already knew:

He's retarded.

Seriously, you've won three championships. You have the most dominant center to ever play the game at your side. One of the winning-est coaches in NBA history is manning the ship. You have a chance to win more championships and cement your legacy as one of the greatest players to play the game.

And you throw it all away.

For what? To be, "THE MAN"?!?!?

So....how's that working out...?

Ok, enough with the single-line sentences, but seriously, why should we feel sorry for Kobe? So he's stuck with an inept GM...so is half the league. So he has a weak supporting cast...maybe he and Lebron can commiserate together after the Cavs get ousted from the Junior Varsity Eastern Conference. Big deal. This is what Kobe wanted, right? Well...he wanted to keep winning championships, but only if he could be the star. And now he's the star...just without the substance. Isn't that what LA is all about?

The Lakers cannot trade Kobe, so all you folks out there who believe this is the beginning of his end in Tinseltown need to settle down. Los Angeles cannot justify charging what they do for tickets without one of the NBA's marquee stars in town. If they do trade Kobe, they run the risk of turning into the Golden State Warriors; where the celebrities only show up once you become good again. They have to build around him.

Kobe knows this, and that's why he wants Jerry West back. Say what you want about Jerry, but he was the architect behind those Lakers championship teams, and he was a ping-pong ball shy of nabbing Lebron James and saving Memphis (you can't blame The Icon for the Otis Thorpe trade...whoever did that one was clearly Canadian). So Kobe figures Jerry can work his magic again. But Jerry handpicked Mitch Kupchak to replace him, and I doubt a classy dude like Mr. West will stab his boy in the back. Especially at age 70, and with the Lakers being a couple years away from being contenders even with some changes to their current roster.

So sorry, Kobe, but you had your chance. And you let your ego blow it. Now you're stuck in a stacked conference, facing most of the best players currently in the game, with one of your better supporting cast members being a curly-haired white boy with a Grateful Dead tattoo and a possible STD from being within 100 feet of Britney Spears.

It's too bad, but there are some things that even a $4 million diamond can't fix.

Happy Memorial Day

As we head into the gateway weekend of Summer, just wanted to say a quick stay safe, have fun, and chill out to the various members of our sports fraternity.

A couple things for you to mull over as you bask in this (hopefully) sunny weather:

-The Pistons need to wake up. The Cavs are not built to beat them. They are an inferior team. They have one fantastic player and a bunch of other guys whose talents do not complement him. There is no excuse for falling behind by 12 at half in Game 2. They need to stop fooling around, because the Spurs up next. Time to sharpen up.

-Speaking of that one fantastic player the Cavs have... Apparently one radio host that shares our airwaves seems to think that he is all Nike hype and isn't even a Top 15 player in the NBA. Yeah, I'm not making this up. So of course, Bakita, I, and our 4 listeners had to have a discussion about whether that statement is true. As you might expect, the reaction was highly supportive of Lebron, and highly derogatory towards said host. As A. Sherrod Blakely, Pistons beat writer for Booth Newspapers, said, "You may want to check his meds." I personally checked the alcohol content on the Throat Spray that is sitting around the studio, but everything seems normal. Temporary insanity is still being considered. Anyways, Lebron is a no doubter Top 10 player in the NBA. But apparently, I know nothing, because I don't have TWO Pistons in my Top 10. Memo to the wise: Making a cheap, homeristic appeal to your listening audience does not make you correct. Here are the Top 10 players in the NBA right now, listed in LOOSE order:

1. Kobe Bryant
2. Tim Duncan
3. Dirk Nowitzki
4. Steve Nash
5. Dwayne Wade
6. Kevin Garnett
7. Lebron James
8. Chris Bosh
9. Tracy McGrady
10. Chauncey Billups

Honorables: Gilbert Arenas, Carmelo Anthony, Carlos Boozer, Amare Stoudamire, Allen Iverson, Pau Gasol, and Michael Redd. (I love Rip Hamilton, but let's not get crazy)

So there you go. Oh, and I stole that list. I nabbed it from someone named Common Sense.

-How bout those Tigers? Geez. I don't know what kind of Memorial Day gift Leyland promised those guys, but whatever it is, the guys want it. Big ups to my main man Carlos Guillen for carrying my fantasy team on his stiff lower back.

-Best of wishes to the Red Wings. Remember when everyone was primed for another early playoff exit? Well I guess these guys weren't. They gave it all, fought through a massive amount of injuries at key positions...I mean, by Game 6 in Anaheim, half the team was made up of Grand Rapids Griffins. And they still almost made it to the Cup Final. Good luck to the boys this offseason, and let's come back stronger.

May your Memorial Day shine on you like an Oberon Sun...I'm out.

Seein' Red

Take that St. Louis!

Yeah, so the Cardinals are a shell or their World Series-winning selves. So their pitchers got lit up like beer-league softballers. Please ignore the fact that their hitters couldn't even light up *GASP* Fernando Rodney.

The Tigers still swept them.

I had the privilege of watching the carnage unfold Sunday afternoon, breaking my 0-4 streak that goes back to covering Tigers games last year. I'm not here to argue about the importance of these wins...in May, wins count as wins, and nothing more. But it still feels good. And like Brandon Inge said in the clubhouse after the game, it doesn't make up for last year; but the fact that the Tigers are staying on top and the Cardinals are heading down towards Pittsburgh Pirates-land leaves the team with a satisfying feeling.

So, in my normal ADD style, some short thoughts on the series and more specifically, Sunday's game:

Louisville Slugger must have sponsored this series. Are you kidding me? 14 runs in game #1??? Talk about giving a young pitcher some run support. We saw that kind of hitting in spring training, but certainly not in the month of April. At times those Tigers couldn't have hit a snowball into a snowstorm (which, coincidentally, was the weather they were mostly playing in). But the guys who were leading the non-offensive charge, Gary Sheffield and Brandon Inge, have turned it on as of late. Gary's been on fire, Brandon homered Sunday, and the lineup has never been more potent.

Fear Mike Rabelo. I like this guy. A catcher who switch hits is not a common sight. Plus whenever Verlander pitches, the dude's a hitting machine (that's one of those great baseball stats that looks infinitely more important than it really is). But he filled in admirably for Pudge, and contributed offensively. When the Tigers get production from those 7-9 spots, they're near unbeatable. It's just a matter of consistency.

Jim Leyland is salty as ever. Skip would barely pick his head up during the post game chat, leading to a ratings-boosting shot of his cap and mouth for me to air on FOX 17. Never the less, Jim agreed with the above paragraph regarding the bottom part of the lineup. When I asked him about getting production from those spots, he responded by saying, "That's not a bonus, we expect to get runs from those guys, and that's what makes us good." Of course, he said much more gruffly and intimidating than that, but you get the idea. I feel that if I were to ever get a one-on-one with Jim, he'd scare me into a blubbering mess, and then throw me in the cage with Lamont for wasting his time(more on that in a future column). Either way, Jim scares me. Good thing he's the best manager of all time.

Gary Sheffield isn't as old as you think he is. If you were watching Sunday's game, that blur you saw in right field was Gary Sheffield actually playing defense, and robbing the Cards of about 3 hits. I know it's hard to believe, since Tigers fans are used to seeing the Tortoise with the Hair (Mags) play right field like that token hot chick on your softball team, but Gary still got some skills. The team is letting him warm up before they hit the road for more interleague later on, and the old vet looked good. Couple that with Gary's new routine of always moving around in the dugout on days that he's DH'ing, and it looks like Sheff has left that early season funk behind him.

Andrew Miller = better than sliced bread. Not a bad statement about a kid who looks young enough to still have his mom cut the crusts off his sandwich before he heads to the ballpark. But really, nothing gave Tigers fans more to cheer about than watching the kid carve up the Cards for six innings. Having a 19-year-old lefty who can throw like that is Major League gold. Seriously, if Dave Dombrowski ever gets bored saving baseball franchises, he should open a life-management firm. I'd be first in line. How can you go wrong with Double D making all your important decisions? Now that's a good call. Eat your heart out Miller Lite.

So, in conclusion, the Tigers rock. As if anyone with a semi-functioning brain didn't know that already. Which means someone needs to send the hint to the Fords. That big building next to Comerica Park would be perfect for an NFL team. Just a thought.

Robert Horry eliminates another opponent

One way or another, Robert Horry always gets his man.

The player best known for knocking out opponents with late-game shots delivered yet another important blow last night, but this time in the form of a well-placed hip-check delivered to Phoenix point guard Steve Nash.

I don't think Big Shot Bob is an intentionally dirty player, but he's always been a guy to do the little things, and according to some folks, that would include committing a hard playoff foul. But with the circumstances - the fact the Spurs had blown a large lead, that Nash is the Sun's best player, and the outcome of the game was basically decided - the foul was indeed a cheap play. When I first saw it, I felt it was the manifestation of a veteran team's frustration of allowing their young rival to steal a game they had in hand. It was a game that was to serve as the Sun's stepping stone to alter the series and have the inside track at eliminating the Spurs...that is, until Horry sent Nash flying into the scorer's table.

Now, it's Spurs in six.

Just hours ago, the NBA handed down its suspensions for the incident; two games for Horry, one game apiece for Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw, who left the bench to defend Nash. When you break it down, the Spurs lose a complementary player, while the Suns lose their best big man and low post scoring option, plus one of their best perimeter players. That means Game 5, which before this whole mess looked like a chance for Phoenix to seize control of the series, should be an easy win for SanAn, with their opportunity to close it out at home in Game 6.

I pains me to say it, because Phoenix is infinitely more entertaining to watch, and I vastly prefer a Suns-Pistons Finals matchup to the defensive slugfest that would be Detroit-San Antonio. Plus, if we lose to Manu Ginobili's bald spot one more time, I will personally drive down to San Antonio and flop in front of his car in hopes of gaining a substantial monetary settlement. Serves him right.

So, can this young Phoenix team ride the bad back of their floppy-haired point guard to a shorthanded win? As much as I'd like to say yes...no chance. Bill Simmon's newest man crush, Tim Duncan, will just be too much; and the Spurs can smell blood. Expect a raucous crowd, an inspired effort, and a San Antonio win.

All thanks to Cheap Shot Bob.

The Last "Great" Fight

The dust has settled, the talk show lines have quieted, and now's a good time to look back at the fight that was supposed to "save" boxing.

The Floyd Mayweather - Oscar De La Hoya match up was certainly the most anticipated fight in a long time, and it brought together two of the most skilled fighters to strap on the gloves in my generation. De La Hoya was the name, Mayweather was the story. It was the perfect storm...the fight to shove boxing back into the mainstream; the fight to save a struggling sport whose biggest stories right now are a 7-foot freak show and Mike Tyson training in Vegas in front of spectators like a caged bear.

Just one problem: Whoever is supposed to be in charge of saving boxing picked the wrong fight.

On paper it looked great. De La Hoya ranks right up there with Tyson and Holyfield when it comes to fighter notoriety. Mayweather was undefeated, a known commodity among boxing circles but not even close to a household name. Then came the HBO series 24/7, and suddenly America was introduced to the insanity that is Floyd Mayweather's world.

Interest started to grow by leaps and bounds. Mayweather morphed into an egotistical punk right before out eyes. Sympathy and support grew for De La Hoya. In Grand Rapids, Mayweather's home town, sports talk show phone lines burned up with people voicing their desire to see Floyd "get what he deserved" from Oscar. The fight had its hero, and its villain. Everything was falling into place.

Except no one seemed to realize that the fight was fatally flawed to the point that there was no possible way for it to live up to it's billing. No one seemed to want to listen to all the experts and pundits proclaim this would be a tactful, strategic match up that would go the distance. The casual fans (me) who were shelling out their money for the Pay-Per-View (me again) still had memories of Tyson throwing haymakers at every corner; envisioning a veritable slugfest that would leave only one man standing.

No way that was going to happen.

If you've ever seen Floyd Mayweather box, you know he is insanely quick, and has some of the fastest hands boxing has seen. He's impossible to catch in the ring, he easily blocks jabs, and is a superb counter-puncher. He knows how to keep himself just out of arm's reach to keep from getting hurt, and still connect enough to win the round. In a word, watching Mayweather fight is BORING!

And yet, knowing better, I still wanted to believe. I wanted to see if Mayweather, standing on the verge of boxing immortality, would reach back and be able to find the power to lay De La Hoya out. I wanted to see if De La Hoya, on his last boxing legs, could muster some of his old magic and connect with that left hook. Instead, I got exactly what I paid for. 12 rounds of strategic ducking and weaving, jabbing and counter-punching. Exactly how you win a fight without getting hurt.

And with that, the air is being let out of boxing's balloon. The sport has always had competitors, but has been able to hold fan's interest thanks to marquee stars and faulty execution by their rivals. But times and audiences are changing, and boxing is lacking the tools to keep up.

Consider this:

-Boxing's top heavyweights right now are two brothers from Russia. While they love to throw punches, they have vowed never to fight each other. Which eliminates the most intriguing matchup of that weight class. Americans to this day still have a hard time rooting for a Russian anyway, but who cares when their top competition includes a 7-foot giant who's got to the be the 1/2 brother of Lurch.

-The WWE and UFC are growing, both in fan base and exposure. You can see some form of UFC or other mixed martial arts fighting on a dozen different channels nowdays. While boxing is widley available as well, it's so disjointed and disorganized, people have trouble following it. They'd rather be spoon-fed their sports. Which leads to the biggest cause of boxing's decline...

-Lack of action. Wait, lack of action? You're talking about a sport in which people punch each other for 12 rounds, right? Yeah, I am. But for my generation, our 6-second attention spans need to be fed constantly. There's too much strategy and ducking in boxing. Viewers prefer the slugfest that is UFC fighting and professional wrestling. We want ACTION, even if it's fake. And that's another reason why the UFC is growing...that stuff is REAL. It's just a mass of limbs and chokeholds, with the only rule seeming to be just don't kill the guy.


And so boxing shoved its chips in the middle, but in my opinion, they overbet their hand. But hey, it's Vegas, that stuff happens. Now, isn't Mike Tyson supposed to be fighting a cougar somewhere....

View from Detroit Lions Rookie Mini-Camp

I spent, oh, about 20 minutes watching the Detroit Lions rookies work out this past Friday; and then the media was herded up and packed into a 20 x 15 room/cell, where we proceeded to spend the next hour trashing the Lions.

You'd think I was being sarcastic, and I wish I was. Turns out the guys from Flint feel the same way about this draft class as we from Grand Rapids do. It was a veritable who's who of Lions insiders and beat writers, and everyone had a varying opinion on what kind of players this year's crop of Lion's rookies will produce. I heard everything from "well-scouted diamonds in the rough" to "a bunch of no-namers who were drafted because among other things, they lack expectations to fail".

I entered Friday's workout firmly sitting on the fence, and here's what I witnessed during the session the media were allowed to view:

Calvin Johnson = As Advertised. This dude looks to be everything he was billed to be. He was extremely fluid running his routes, has a great stride, and caught everything thrown to him. He stood about 6 in. taller than everybody else the Lions had in catching balls, but in no way looked lumbering. I'm convinced this dude is going to have a great year, and with Roy's help, Kitna will too. It's like when Scott Mitchell was throwing to Herman Moore and Brett Periman...no matter how crappy a quarterback is, having good receivers to go catch his mistakes can help cover for his deficiencies (unless, of course, he's constantly being sacked 2.5 seconds after the snap). But you could see Drew Stanton drooling over the prospect of C.J. going up and grabbing his crappy passes. Speaking of which....

Drew Stanton = Quack Quack. Lock of ducks flying around Allen Park Friday, and most of them came off the arm of Stanton. Drew's never been known for his tight spiral, and you can expect him to struggle early on as Mike Martz completely remakes his delivery. You can look at it two ways: Either the Lions took a player with great intangibles and handed him over the best quarterback crafter of the past 10 years; or they overrated an under-skilled hometown boy and blew yet another chance at drafting an impact player at a different position of need (which is everywhere). There's plenty of people on both sides of this argument, but I'll reserve judgment until Game 3 of the preseason.

Ikaika Alama-Francis = Long name, Good player. I like this kid out of Hawaii, and not just because of his various tribal tattoos. The guy is huge, but as Coach Marinelli pointed out in the interview session after practice, he's very lean for his size, and looked pretty fluid and athletic running through drills. This is a guy who's only been playing football for about 4 years, so he'll take some time to develop, but you can't really put a ceiling on his development. Can't say that about many Lions draft picks, past or present.

So after spending a couple hours in Allen Park...I'm still confused. I've been burned so many times, I'm scared to give myself to this team. But honestly, it's the Lions. I should be numb to this by now. So I'll concentrate on the positives. I liked the energy the coaching staff showed during the practice. I like how Rod Marinelli runs his business. I like that Calvin Johnson should be a superstar, and Alama-Francis could be one. I liked the fact that they wrapped up in time for me to listen to the Smack-Off on the way home. So I'm happy. At least until the full team reports for training camp. Then...who knows.