Millen, the much-maligned Lions CEO, holds the worst 6-year record of any GM in NFL history, and yet has inexplicably held on to his position with the team. Fans, media, and other league executives continue to scratch their heads as to why Millen enjoys so much job security. That is, until now.
For some time its been known that since 1999, William Clay and the rest of the Ford family have participated in an annual fantasy football league that included various top Ford Motor Company executives as well as Lions president of business operations (COO) Tom Lewand. Only recently it was revealed that during the team's struggles in 2004, Millen was extended an invite to join the fantasy league as a good-will gesture. Veterans of the league joked that it was unfair to compete against someone with insider knowledge about the NFL, but Millen assured them that he possessed none of this supposed knowledge.
However, in his first season as a member of Ford's league, Millen tore through the competition, annihilating the competition en route to winning the championship. William Clay was so enamored by Millen's performance that he immediately offered him a 5-year contract extension with his real-life team; convinced that the CEO's fantasy prowess would translate into solid personnel decisions for the Lions.
As any fan of the NFL knows, Detroit is still waiting for that knowledge to surface. Though the product that Millen was hired to put together has been putrid on the field, the Lion's CEO has proved to be unbeatable in make-believe football games. One competing fantasy owner begrudgingly admits that Millen has nailed fantasy sleepers year after year, but Lewand tells a different story:
After being promoted in 2003, Lewand began working more closely with Millen, and after Matt's fantasy championship in 2004, Tom wondered privately if the title was won because of Millen's fantasy genius, or because the Ford executives who made up the rest of the league were busy fearing for their jobs, and didn't bother to update their teams. That, combined with Mr. Ford's senility, led to Millen claiming the championship.
Lewand said that Millen spent an inordinate amount of time updating his team, so much so that he would occasionally jam the company printer due to the amount of fantasy printouts he would pull from over 20 websites. One company source reports that Millen was often late to meetings due to constantly checking his fantasy squad, and others say that Millen would routinely deflect conversation about the Lions, and try and steer the topic towards his fantasy team, the Hokendauqua Warriors. Lewand approached Matt with his concerns regarding Millen's growing obsession with his fantasy team, but Millen rebuffed him, saying that those who actually cared about fantasy football were "cowards".
After another Millen-dominated fantasy season in '05, Lewand began to suspect that the CEO's success had nothing to do with actual football knowledge, but was simply blind luck. Lewand noticed that Millen constantly announced his draft picks only by last name, and the other owners made assumptions as to which player he had chosen. Tom asserts that Millen's first two choices, Shaun Alexander and Larry Johnson, were really supposed to be Derrick Alexander and Keyshawn Johnson. Lewand contests that Millen's affinity for drafting receivers in the early rounds led him to believe he was selecting wideouts...only the fellow owners marked him down as drafting running backs, not believing that anyone would be moronic enough to waste their first two picks on wide receivers with questionable talent.
Lewand decided to test his theory this year by demanding Millen state his draft pick's full name; and was initially pleased when Matt's announced his first three picks as Randy Moss, Eddie Kennison, and Chris Chambers. Tom expected Millen's team to unravel and in turn expose the supposedly brilliant CEO as being nothing more than a lucky SOB. However, Lewand's plot was foiled when Millen duped the 81 year-old Bill Ford into trading Ladamian Tomlinson and Peyton Manning for Brett Farve and Bob Sanders, a player whom Millen led the senile Ford to believe was Barry Sanders. Though angry that the move quashed his theory, Lewand conceded that Millen is showing progress, having finally figured out how to pull off a trade where he came out on the winning end.
While the Lions flounder at 2-11, Millen's team is tearing through the fantasy playoffs. How is this possible? Perhaps Millen is exerting all his football knowledge on his fantasy squad. Perhaps it is because that Millen is not required to assemble either an offensive or defensive line for his team. Or it might be due to the fact that Millen has yet to include a Detroit Lion as a member of his fantasy squad.
Whatever the reason, for all you haters out there: Matt Millen is a genius. I mean, who else gets paid millions of dollars to be good at fantasy football???
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