In The Cage with Mean Gene

Ever wonder how the Tigers got so good so fast?

Some would say it was due to the growth of Magglio Ordonez's Sampson-esque locks, which have made him impervious to four seam fastballs and freaky knee injuries. Others contend we owe our success to Jim Leyland, and his superhuman ability to smoke 10,000 cigarettes a day and scare any potential cancer out of his body with a profanity-laced tirade. Or it could be the salesmanship of Dave Dombrowski, who recently was seen outside of Comerica Park selling a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.

While all these factors have certainly contributed to the Tigers success, their impact is mild when matched up against the ultimate motivator: Gene Lamont.

Why Gene, you ask? I admit, it slipped under my radar for a while too. But late last season, while covering a game for FOX 17 with my buddy Nate, we discovered the reason the Detroit Tigers made such a dramatic turnaround: The Gene Lamont Cage of Fear.

It's been an urban legend for some time now, whispered among media members as they stand in line to enter the clubhouse after the game; articulated in the worried glances of the janitorial staff as they pass the closet marked Team Officials ONLY. I didn't believe it myself, until last season when Nate and I heard the muffled screams of someone being tortured in The Cage. We were hurried out of the clubhouse by Tigers staff, but there was no denying that we had heard something horrible happening.

I sought an explanation from a longtime sports writer who was privy to information regarding team operations. He agreed to divulge the story to me, on the condition that I never reveal his name; which would cause him to be subjected to The Cage for revealing its existence.

As the story goes, shortly after Jim Leyland's hire, he met with Dave Dombrowski to discuss filling out his new staff. He submitted a list of names, one of them being Lamont, a former staff member of Leyland's Pittsburgh Pirates. Dombrowski was hesitant to allow Lamont to join the staff, since he had been exiled to managing in Triple-A for Philadelphia. Word around the league had said Lamont had become so grizzly, so salty, that major league players were too afraid to be around him on a daily basis. In order to satisfy their million-dollar investments, the Phillies sent Lamont to Triple-A to scare the kids (as if the prospect of playing for Philadelphia wasn't scary enough).

But as word has it, Leyland would not budge from his demand for Lamont, assuring Dombrowski that his own saltiness could overcome the grizzliness of Mean Gene. But Dombrowski wanted more. He wanted protection for the assets he had accumulated. And so the Cage of Fear was built; both as a storage facility for Lamont and as a punishment for players who did not perform up to the club's standards.

Locking a player in the Cage with the grizzled Lamont turned out to be such an effective punishment for bad behavior, Leyland began using it as a motivator for better play. After a lackluster home loss early last year, Leyland flipped out in his post game press conference, a proceeded to lock three players in the Cage with Lamont and stored them in the cargo area for the entire flight to Oakland. The team proceeded to win the series with the A's and never again turned in a lackluster performance the rest of the season. Chris Shelton was so terrified, he hit 11 home runs to start the season to avoid being locked in the Cage; until the pressure became so mentally straining that he cracked, and had to be heavily medicated and sent to Toledo, where he is still recovering.

This year, Gary Sheffield was the beneficiary of time spent in the Cage. Sheff struggled mightily for a month as he attempted to adjust to his new DH role. Because of his previous relationship with Gary, Leyland held off on the Cage; until Sheff told the media that if the fans booed him more often, maybe he'd produce better. After reading the comments, Leyland could be heard screaming, "What the hell is wrong with you? **** the fans!!! I'll give you some motivation!!! Get in that ****-ing Cage!!!" And Sheffield has been on a tear ever since.

So Tigers fans, as you head to Comerica this summer to sport your colors, buy some beers, and cheer for the players; give a tip of your hat to Gene Lamont as he growls at third base. For without his help, the Tigers would still be stuck in the cellar.

Who's your Tiger?....Mine is Mean Gene.

Seein' Red

Take that St. Louis!

Yeah, so the Cardinals are a shell or their World Series-winning selves. So their pitchers got lit up like beer-league softballers. Please ignore the fact that their hitters couldn't even light up *GASP* Fernando Rodney.

The Tigers still swept them.

I had the privilege of watching the carnage unfold Sunday afternoon, breaking my 0-4 streak that goes back to covering Tigers games last year. I'm not here to argue about the importance of these wins...in May, wins count as wins, and nothing more. But it still feels good. And like Brandon Inge said in the clubhouse after the game, it doesn't make up for last year; but the fact that the Tigers are staying on top and the Cardinals are heading down towards Pittsburgh Pirates-land leaves the team with a satisfying feeling.

So, in my normal ADD style, some short thoughts on the series and more specifically, Sunday's game:

Louisville Slugger must have sponsored this series. Are you kidding me? 14 runs in game #1??? Talk about giving a young pitcher some run support. We saw that kind of hitting in spring training, but certainly not in the month of April. At times those Tigers couldn't have hit a snowball into a snowstorm (which, coincidentally, was the weather they were mostly playing in). But the guys who were leading the non-offensive charge, Gary Sheffield and Brandon Inge, have turned it on as of late. Gary's been on fire, Brandon homered Sunday, and the lineup has never been more potent.

Fear Mike Rabelo. I like this guy. A catcher who switch hits is not a common sight. Plus whenever Verlander pitches, the dude's a hitting machine (that's one of those great baseball stats that looks infinitely more important than it really is). But he filled in admirably for Pudge, and contributed offensively. When the Tigers get production from those 7-9 spots, they're near unbeatable. It's just a matter of consistency.

Jim Leyland is salty as ever. Skip would barely pick his head up during the post game chat, leading to a ratings-boosting shot of his cap and mouth for me to air on FOX 17. Never the less, Jim agreed with the above paragraph regarding the bottom part of the lineup. When I asked him about getting production from those spots, he responded by saying, "That's not a bonus, we expect to get runs from those guys, and that's what makes us good." Of course, he said much more gruffly and intimidating than that, but you get the idea. I feel that if I were to ever get a one-on-one with Jim, he'd scare me into a blubbering mess, and then throw me in the cage with Lamont for wasting his time(more on that in a future column). Either way, Jim scares me. Good thing he's the best manager of all time.

Gary Sheffield isn't as old as you think he is. If you were watching Sunday's game, that blur you saw in right field was Gary Sheffield actually playing defense, and robbing the Cards of about 3 hits. I know it's hard to believe, since Tigers fans are used to seeing the Tortoise with the Hair (Mags) play right field like that token hot chick on your softball team, but Gary still got some skills. The team is letting him warm up before they hit the road for more interleague later on, and the old vet looked good. Couple that with Gary's new routine of always moving around in the dugout on days that he's DH'ing, and it looks like Sheff has left that early season funk behind him.

Andrew Miller = better than sliced bread. Not a bad statement about a kid who looks young enough to still have his mom cut the crusts off his sandwich before he heads to the ballpark. But really, nothing gave Tigers fans more to cheer about than watching the kid carve up the Cards for six innings. Having a 19-year-old lefty who can throw like that is Major League gold. Seriously, if Dave Dombrowski ever gets bored saving baseball franchises, he should open a life-management firm. I'd be first in line. How can you go wrong with Double D making all your important decisions? Now that's a good call. Eat your heart out Miller Lite.

So, in conclusion, the Tigers rock. As if anyone with a semi-functioning brain didn't know that already. Which means someone needs to send the hint to the Fords. That big building next to Comerica Park would be perfect for an NFL team. Just a thought.