Full Circle Seizure

I fancy myself a fairly informed TV watcher. I am in tune with some of the best programs, features, and hidden channels in my ridiculously overpriced cable system.

But I had yet to discover the monstrosity that is ESPN Full Circle, that is until I stumbled upon it Tuesday night.

It happened when I accidentally started watching the Women's NCAA Championship game. I say accidentally because I had passed out on the couch in a bout of sickness and an intentional overdose of NyQuil. When I awoke a couple hours later, the poker I had been using to help myself fall asleep on ESPN2 had turned into ESPN Full Circle coverage of the Women's Basketball Championship game.

Now, I don't hate women's sports. I've watched enough of my sister's soccer games and attended enough women's sporting events to have a certain appreciation for them; especially considering I live in the fattest state in the USA...so girls getting out and moving around is certainly not a bad thing.

But as far as my TV watching goes, women's sports is not included in the equation. So you can imagine my dismay when I saw it on the TV when I awoke. At first, I thought it was an NyQuil-induced hallucination. Then I realized it was ESPN Full Circle.

As I said on my Terp's Take today, this has to be the most ridiculous thing ever. There is no possible way that anyone needs this much information pumped at them at once. There's a camera on the field, a slot running replays, two cameras on the coaches, one on the stands, and one on the drunk guy at the beer stand. Yeah, all those things alone are fine; but when they're presented to me all at once, I got so overloaded that I thought I was going to have a seizure.

I see only one way that this thing can become useful. ERIN ANDREWS CAM!!!! I mean, can you see it? Constant observation on Erin Andrews and her ...skillfull...reporting. Who gives a crap about Pat Summit yelling at her players, I want to see Erin softly tossing her hair and coming up with softball questions to lob to Pat at halftime. THOSE ARE THE REAL STORIES THAT NEED TO BE TOLD!!!

I may still be hopped up on NyQuil, but I think this could work. Otherwise can the whole thing. Or hand the keys over to Jack Bauer; he can use the Full Circle coverage of women's sports to torture terrorists.

Goodbye Joe Theisman...don't let Kornheiser kick you on the way out...

Finally ESPN manned up and admitted a mistake.

Joe Theisman, he of the incredibly lame assertions and no sense of humor, was smartly removed from the Monday Night Football booth that will include Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser, and now Ron Jaworski. ESPN announced that Theisman left because he had been given a "prominent football analyst" position; which if you break down the PR B.S. means that they bumped him to Monday Night Countdown or something. For those who don't know much about the media business; when you're doing color commentary for ESPN's biggest broadcasts of the year, and then are removed and placed on the same set as Michael Irvin, that's a downgrade.

So why was Joe thrown under the bus? It mostly had to do with Tony Kornheiser and their inability to concoct any chemistry. The stuffy Theiseman was the antithesis of Tony Kornheiser, whose sole purpose was to interject life and little flavor to the Monday Night Football booth.

But Theisman and Kornheiser never clicked, for obvious reasons. Theisman is a arrogant prude, and Kornheiser is a sarcastic needler. It was almost painful listening to them bounce off each other; with Kornheiser constantly trying to bait Theisman, and Joe either brushing him off or completely missing the joke.

So ESPN had to made a call, and for all the pub and love they have spent on Tony's arrival into the booth, he wasn't going to be the one to go. Tony of course is the immensely popular host of Pardon the Interruption, one the Worldwide Leader's most-watched daily shows. While Theisman has plenty of fans, he doesn't have the platform that Tony has, and even though Kornheiser is a balding sportswriter; his snarky sense of humor makes him appealing to a wider, and more importantly, younger, demographic. Kornheiser is an up-and-coming brand that could help generate dollars for ESPN, meanwhile Theisman is more like the Costco of has-been-former-athlete sportscasters.

So I will join The Sports Guy Bill Simmons in pouring out a forty for Theisman's departure. Though his time in ESPN's booth was not long, it was full of stiff, embarrassingly awkward moments done in front of a national audience...well done Joe, you're an inspiration to pompous a-holes everywhere.