Getting ready to do the '07 Shuffle

Just got done watching the vintage classic "The Super Bowl Shuffle" on YouTube. I think that when I have a son and he asks me to describe the culture of the 1980's, I'm just going to make him watch that clip. I feel that after watching that abomination he'll no longer have any interest in the decade.

Thing is, this week the media bonanza begins for the Super Bowl, and all of us here in the Midwest will be bombarded by Bears talk, Bears fans, and Bears sketches, both good (The Super Fans) and bad (the aforementioned Shuffle). As a Lions fan forced now to watch a second team from our division compete for a Super Bowl (after the Packers did it in '97 and '98), I'm none too happy about the coverage, because it just reminds us how much our team stinks.

What's lost in all this Bears-hub around here is that the Colts are competing as well. Earlier in the year my roommates and I were discussing which NFL team would be a reasonable choice to switch our loyalties to if we ever chose to go Benedict Arnold on the Lions. We decided the Colts made the most sense because they A.) Play in the AFC, B.) Are the team closest in proximity to us besides Chicago, C.) Have a 6'5 Quarterback with a laser rocket arm, and D.) Win games. Problem is that there are so many Chicago transplants and crazy people who were raised Bears fans that no one seems to give a crap about the Colts, which I guess in the end is OK, because we know who ESPN cares about...and it ain't Sexy Rexy.

So, I'm going to open up this week with my Super Bowl preview, before everyone accuses me of ripping off some of the 253,675 stories that are being written about the different subplots of the game. Before I get started, I have a hard time picking a clear winner from this game, so I might change my pick halfway through this column, but here goes:



Why I Think Da Bears Will Win:

-Defense wins championships. At least that's the cliche we've all bought into. I may be a young gun, but I still remember watching the 2001 Baltimore Ravens ride their defense all the way to a Super Bowl victory over a Giants team that put up 41 points on the Vikings in the NFC playoffs. And if I remember correctly, the big storyline was how bad of a quarterback Trent Dilfer was, and how the Ravens couldn't keep winning games with the offense scoring just 9 points. Sound familiar Rex Grossman? The thing with the Dilfer-Grossman comparison is, Sexy Rexy is a much better quarterback than Dilfer, its just that no one can tell this because of how badly he normally plays. Dilfer won games because he managed the game, didn't turn the ball over (therefore not putting his defense in a bad position), and hit open receivers when defenses stacked against the run. In his two playoffs games so far, Grossman hasn't turned the ball over too much, made a couple decent throws, and handed the ball to Thomas Jones/Cedric Benson. And guess what??? The Bears WON! There may be hope for Sexy Rexy yet...

-The Bears actually have some playmakers on offense. Chicago also mirrors '01 Baltimore in that they have a solid running game (though theirs is by committee, which at this point in the season is a luxury, considering everyone is so banged up), but Chicago actually has a much better passing game. Mushy Muhammed is a big, physical receiver, Berrian is a game breaker that Baltimore is still searching for, and Desmond Clark is a great tight end. Chicago is so well known for its D that the O-fence is overlooked a bit, but there is some talent on that side of the ball.

-Kyle "The Functioning Alcoholic" Orton. How can you bet against a team with a guy who started growing his playoff beard in July?? (mostly b/c he was too hungover to shave) I mean, forget Brian Griese, the Bears won 10 games last year with this kid, and he can't throw the ball farther than 35 yards.

-The Bears are way funnier than the Colts. Thanks mostly to the Super Fans (SNL classic), the Bears have a rich history of winning, and spawning hilarious comedy sketches. Peyton Manning has a rich history of choking, and spawning awkward commercials. Nuf said.



Why I Think The Colts Will Win:

-Peyton Manning is in the Super Bowl??? Wait a minute, what? I had my gushing love letter to Tom Brady written by halftime, and then all of the sudden, Peyton turns into John Elway and throws the monkey off his back with the greatest comeback in NFL playoff history. Now I have no idea what to expect, since that was the first big game Peyton has really won in his career. I mean, the dude is so good, and yet for so long I thought he just didn't have the cajones to win the big game. Now he's in the Super Bowl. I don't know whether to hand him the MVP right now or set the TiVo in anticipation for him to throw 5 interceptions and sit on the bench with the proverbial "Peyton Manning face" after he gets done yelling at his receivers.

-Never bet against a team with a chip on its shoulder. Enter the Colts defense. They sucked all year, and in fact they kinda still suck, but now they're playing with some fire. They got sick of everyone noticing that they sucked, and then pointing it out...and now they've decided to pick it up a bit. Bob Sanders coming back is a big plus, which is weird, b/c I never thought the addition of a 5'8 Free Safety with bigger cornrows that quadriceps would spark a team's run defense, but apparently I've been taking Crazy Pills. Also, never doubt a team that has more than one (Cato June, Marlin Jackson) former U of M player playing a significant role. Think it was just a coincidence that Marlin made the play that sent the Colts to the Super Bowl? Yeah, that's what I thought...

-In the new NFL, Offense wins games, and the Super Bowl is just one game. Since 1992, the team that won the Super Bowl has scored at least 20 points, and only 5 teams stayed in the 20's. Six teams scored in the 30's, two in the 40's, and Dallas put up 52 points in 1993. No one is winning these games 17-14. I mean geez, Baltimore scored 34 points in their 2001 Super Bowl win, which was about half their season total. The Colts don't have to try and figure out how to score points, they know how, and they will. The Bears have to worry about how to get their points on the board. Can they get to 28 (my magic number)? We'll see.


My Final Word:

Bears: 28, Colts: 24

Chicago will have to score on either defense or special teams, but their ground-based offense will give Indy problems. All Sexy Rexy has to do is hit Berrian deep on a couple play-action passes. Peyton is a great quarterback, but the Bears' defense will be able to contain the Colts enough to give their offense the necessary possessions to get some points on the board. First team to 28 wins. And it'll be Chicago.