Hey, so I took an extended Christmas break...dealing with relatives, getting sweet gifts, and celebrating the season at every opportunity with friends took its toll.
Now that I've pulled the holly out of my hair and cleaned the eggnog stains (I assume that's what they are) out of the couch...it's time to dish out some resolutions...
University of Michigan:
-Shall resolve to actually win their last two games next year...I know it sounds hard, but 11-2 doesn't sit as well with us True Bluers when the season ends with consecutive losses to Ohio State and a Bowl game...especially to USC. If you're ever going to win another National Championship, you've got to learn how to close. Here's a hint: at the end of the season...there's a lot of tape out there on you. And it doesn't help that Lloyd Carr runs the most predictable offense in the history of mankind. So mix it up a bit Lloyd. And speaking of which...
-Shall resolve to hire the BEST MAN for the job after Lloyd retires (yes, he will) after his contract is up next year. When I say Best Man, I mean most qualified candidate, not the candidate who is the most inbred into the "Michigan Man" system. Bo has passed, Ron English is not ready to become a head coach...Please, Please, PLEASE make up with Cam Cameron and bring him back!
-Shall resolve to teach Chad Henne how to throw on the run. Start with something simple, like chewing gum and walking at the same time. There's no reason for Chad to fire passes three feet short to wide open receivers just because he had to take two steps to the right.
Detroit Tigers:
-Shall resolve to stay hungry. Since you're no longer underrated and overlooked, it's time to step up the game another whole notch. I know the team overachieved all season, but please don't blow all this momentum by falling into the middle of the pack for a few seasons before returning to the bottom of the American League. And on a personal note, since you made so much stinkin money on this past season, maybe set up the media with some complementary food items. I know you have a 162-game season, but come on, throw us a bone. Or at least a hot dog.
Detroit Pistons:
-Shall resolve to get it done this year. Miami has faded, Chicago and Orlando are not yet ready. New Jersey and Cleveland are fatally flawed. If we could just recreate some of that us-against-the-world mentality that carried the 2003 team, we'd be alright. My guess is if it happens, it will kick in after the All-Star break, when Detroit becomes the first team to go from having 4 All-Stars in one year to having none the next. Watch it happen...and watch it piss the team off all the way to the Finals.
Detroit Lions:
-Shall resolve to become the first team in league history to allow their fans to choose their first round draft pick by popular vote. I mean, Lions fans have suffered so greatly, they deserve a chance to actually care about the team. The guy would instantly become the team's most popular player, cause he would be "our guy". And as karma would have it, he'd go to the Pro Bowl his first year, just to show that the half-drunk factory worker who voted online at 2am for which player to choose still knows more about football than Matt Millen.
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